I know what it feels like to be lost.
It's like wandering in a never-ending forest hoping for an exit, but never finding one. You walk and walk and walk, but the trees never end. As you hike randomly, you see the same terrain over and over. The same streams. The same boulders. The same patches of moss. The worst part is you don't even know what the "exit" looks like. Is it an open field? A cabin to take refuge in? A cliff that opens up to the sea?
It doesn't take much of this aimless wandering before your spirit dies.
What's the solution? Is there even a solution?
I'm not going to claim that I have an easy fix for everyone. But I will say I found something that's worked for me.
After countless hours of reflection, I've found that there's always been one common theme for all the bouts of feeling lost in my life. And because the theme has always been the same, I've always been able to find the same exit out of the never-ending forest.
Here's how.
Pick a direction
The worst feeling of lostness I had was in high school.
I was just... wandering. In the never-ending forest. I was walking around in circles, without any particular aim.
Wake up at the ungodly hour of 6 AM to catch the bus. Struggle to not fall asleep during first period. Struggle to not fall asleep from a food coma during the class after lunch. Ride the bus home. Do what feels like a million homework assignments while studying for exams in every single class because the teachers are all conspiring to have their tests line up on the same week.
Not fun.
But it's not the conditions that define whether you're lost or not. It's how you interpret them in regard to your intention. In respect to your aim.
Because every phase of life (except maybe childhood, if you were lucky) has some drudgery to it. You're going to do things you don't want to. You're going to have to eat some glass from time to time.
If all that grueling work isn't backed by some kind of aim, that's when you get lost.
Okay, I've used the word "aim" enough times now. What do I mean?
To have an aim is to simply pick a direction in your life and internalize it. That's it.
Your aim could be: "I want to move out of my parent's house this year."
Or it could be: "I want to get a PhD in neuroscience."
Or: "I want to lose weight."
You'll notice that some of these are more vague than others. Some are time-bound. Others are not.
And that's the key distinction between having an aim and having a goal.
A goal is concrete. It defines some kind of measurable outcome and a deadline.
An aim can be more vague. It just needs to define some general direction for you to move toward.
I've realized that in every phase of life I felt lost in, I lacked an aim.
Here's why you should choose one if you haven't got one already.
A moving bicycle doesn't fall
Imagine you're on a bicycle without a kickstand.
You see a big tree in the distance and decide to move toward it. So you pedal. The bike moves forward, and it stays upright. Everything is grand.
But then you decide to stop moving toward the tree. You stop pedaling. And before long, the wheels stop turning. The bike stops moving.
Know what happens next?
CRASH!
The bike topples over, taking you with it.
Think about it:
Have you ever felt stable on a bicycle that wasn't moving forward?
Of course not!
The same logic applies to your life. If you're not moving toward something—anything—you're not going to stay upright for very long.
So pick a direction, lest your bike topple over.
Now is not forever
I used to be scared to even pick a direction.
Because choosing a direction means that you can be wrong about your choice. And who wants to be wrong in life?
But I've realized that picking a direction, moving down that path, realizing that it wasn't the right one, and choosing again—that's the only way to get unlost from the forest.
It takes a lot of courage to bet on yourself. To say, "I'm going down this path. And even if I'm wrong, I'll just pick myself up and choose another path."
And if you find yourself lacking the courage to do that, remind yourself:
Now is not forever.
The aim you set today is not guaranteed to be the same aim you have tomorrow. It certainly won't be the same aim a few decades down the line.
In other words, picking a direction is not a marriage decision.
The things that drive me right now? Writing this newsletter because I enjoy it, building in public because it's exciting, exercising because I know it's important to stay fit—those motivators won't still be here in five years. At least, not in the same form they're in right now. Hell, they'll probably be different in five months. Life is unpredictable.
So no high pressure on this one. Try things out. You won't get unlost just by standing still in the middle of the forest.
Have the courage to take one of the paths laid out in front of you.
Who knows where that path might lead?
It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.
—J.R.R. Tolkien