You will not grow fast hanging around casual people.
The person who has no hobbies. The person who flops onto their bed after work and doomscrolls for two hours (minimum). The person who spends every waking hour outside of school playing League of Legends and watching Netflix. The person who doesn't go into the world. To meet new people. Try new things. Start new ventures.
You know. Casual people.
If some people are lifemaxxing, others must be lifeminning.
You will never get to where you want to be in life if you surround yourself with these people.
You have a destination in mind.
It's someplace higher than where you are right now. Someplace that lets you look down on where you were before and think, "Wow, I've come quite a long way since then." A mountaintop compared to the valley you're in right now.
If you want to get to that peak—and do it 10x faster than everyone else—read on.
You are not being influenced by your peers
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
—Jim Rohn
If you think you're being influenced by your peers, you're wrong.
And no, this isn't some affirming signal telling you that you're strong and independent, able to stay in your own lane while others try to change you.
The notion of "you're being influenced by your peers" is wrong because it's an understatement.
You aren't just being influenced by your peers. You're literally BECOMING them.
Given a long enough time horizon, you and your closest friends will all average out to be the same person.
I experienced this phenomenon firsthand a few months ago, and it took a stranger pointing it out for me to actually see it.
Back in March, I went on a ski trip with my friends.
It was a blast. Tons of funny falls (no serious injuries thankfully), many people's first time going down black trails, and so many great memories made at the Airbnb we stayed at—cooking, playing games, watching movies.
And it was at the Airbnb that we met a cousin of someone in the group (we'll call him Vinay) who lived nearby and skied all the time.
While we were playing Cup Pong, Vinay went around talking to all of us, learning more about what his cousin's friends were doing in terms of work/school.
As I was washing off one of the ping pong balls in the sink (it had the unfortunate fate of rolling into a corner with dust and cobwebs while wet), Vinay said to us:
"Man, you guys are killing it. I don't remember doing this well when I was your guys' age. What were me and my friends doing?... Probably trying to figure out the best way to ditch class so we could unsuccessfully chase after girls. Oh yeah, and drugs. Lots and lots of drugs."
(Vinay is killing it too, by the way. Don't let his degenerate dialogue fool you.)
In that moment, it suddenly struck me.
Despite being a group of eight people, we shared a lot in common:
- We all went to university
- We all graduated with decent GPAs
- We all found work coming out of school
- We all work in the tech industry (with half of us in finance/fintech)
Are these commonalities just coincidences?
Of course not!
They're the result of the same unavoidable phenomenon we discussed earlier:
Given a long enough time horizon, you and your closest friends will all average out to be the same person.
How to find people better than you
I have no doubt I am where I am today because of the people around me.
Had I not had such driven individuals in my social circle, it would have taken me orders of magnitude longer to get here.
So that leave us with one more question:
How do you find people better than you?
And the answer to this one is simple:
Put yourself in environments where you feel slightly behind.
The keyword "slightly" is important here. If you feel like you're just starting the marathon while everyone else is crossing the finish line, that's too intense of an environment.
At the same time, you need to feel a bit behind. It's going to be uncomfortable. You're going to realize your inadequacies. Your shortcomings. Your flaws.
But that's a good thing. Because acknowledging those imperfections will open your eyes to where you can improve.
Now, if you're thinking, "But I don't know where to find environments where I'll feel slightly behind," don't fret.
You're reading this newsletter. Which means you have access to the most leveraged invention of the human race: The Internet.
The Internet has democratized the ability for people to meet other people.
Meetup, Discord, X (Twitter, whatever you want to call it)—there are countless options for you to find communities of ambitious, like-minded people.
Whenever you meet someone new, ask yourself:
"Do I feel 100% comfortable around this person?"
If the answer is yes, too casual. You need to punch higher.
That little bit of discomfort you feel hanging around someone who's gotten something in life that you also want—but don't know how to get—that's not envy.
That's a signal. A signal that you're in the right room.
Discomfort is the catalyst to growth.