Your life is 100% your fault.
Wait, what?
Yes, you heard me right.
Your life is 100% your fault. No one is coming to save you.
Before you quote me out of context, let me explain.
You didn't get to choose where you were born. Or how wealthy your parents were. Or your race.
You can't change these. They're just "things" that are chosen for you.
They're not within your control. You can't alter the past—to pick a different country to be born in, a wealthier family, or a different ethnicity.
But there are other things you can control.
And focusing on those will have a far greater impact on your life than the things beyond your reach.
"No one is coming to save you" sounds like bad news.
By the end of this letter, I want you to see why it's the opposite.
You could use a little more bro philosophy
You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
—Marcus Aurelius
Let's start by visiting the Internet's favorite philosophy: Stoicism.
The core belief of Stoicism is the dichotomy of control, which divides life into two categories:
- Things you cannot control
- Things you can control
Practicing Stoicism is about learning where to draw the line between the two.
To let go of the things you cannot change and to invest your time and energy into the things you can—that's what leads to a more fulfilling, peaceful life.
Many people get stuck on step #1: Letting go of the things you can't control.
Blaming parents. Blaming the job market. Blaming your bad luck. Playing victim.
And I don't blame you if you've done that or do that now.
I was the same way.
I have a vivid memory back from high school doing precisely this.
I remember complaining to my mom about how much academic "pressure" my parents were putting on me, and how they wanted me to be "perfect."
This was far from reality, by the way. My childhood was very lenient.
And now that I reflect on it, I realize that that was the period of my life when I was the most depressed and making the least progress.
Well, no duh.
I was spending so much time on things that I had no influence over: who my parents were, how they parented me, the environment I grew up in, etc.
Of course nothing was going to change.
The only way to make things change?
Stop looking outward. Start looking inward.
Point the blame finger at yourself
Wherever you point the blame finger is where the power follows.
—Alex Hormozi
I visited an old friend yesterday.
As we caught up, he said he was close to finishing his degree and was looking for work.
"Isn't the job market really bad right now?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's what everyone is saying." He paused for a second and then spoke again.
"But what's the point in saying that? So you can be gloomy with everyone else? I don't get the point. I'd rather focus on what I can do, like learning new skills and sending job applications."
I nodded. He had a point.
My friend had more or less perfectly executed the stoic dichotomy of control.
Rather than invest his time and energy into massive, external forces that he can't control (the entire job market), he focuses on the things that can actually improve his life.
Spending two hours doomscrolling LinkedIn posts about how the job market sucks and no one is going to have jobs anymore because AI is going to take them and oh no the world is going to end—that has zero chance of improving your life.
But spending just ten minutes filling out a job application, sending a cold email, or finishing a course module of an online class—that has a chance to better your life.
You might not get that job. You might get ghosted by that cold email (you almost certainly will). And you might never end up using that technical skill you're learning.
But there's also a chance that you will get that job. That you will get a response from that email. Or that skill will be a fundamental tool you use for the rest of your career.
Once you learn to let go of the stuff you can't control, you free up bandwidth to do the things that you can control.
Once you stop looking outward, you naturally start looking inward.
Once you stop blaming others, you end up pointing the blame finger at yourself.
And pointing the blame finger at yourself is the best thing you can do if you want things to improve.
No one is coming to save you, except yourself
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
—Gandalf
So what's the good news?
"No one is coming to save you." That's the bad news, right?
Yes, and no.
The beautiful part about no one coming to save you is that no one else is coming to save you.
You are the only person who can save yourself.
Despite the bleak sound of how no one else is coming to save you, that also means you have full control.
You get to write your entire story. No one else can say otherwise.
If you want to take this path, you get to. No one is allowed to deny you.
If you want to take that other path, go for it. More power to you.
The next time you feel hopeless, like you can't do anything, like the entire world is on your shoulders, crushingly heavy, remember this:
You get to carry this weight. It is a privilege that you get to save yourself.