Do you know what will happen 10 seconds after you read this sentence?
Will an asteroid hit the Earth? Will Apple stock fall below $200? Will a naked man covered in mayonnaise burst into the cafe you're in, sing an awful rendition of the opening song from Total Drama Island, and then promptly lay down on the tiled floor, making mayonnaise angels?
You can't say for sure. (Although I hope that last one doesn't come true.)
Imagine that each possible outcome in the future is a "branch."
Every branch of possibility branches out into infinite possibilities. And each of those branches contain yet another infinite number of possibilities. So if 10 seconds into the future already holds an infinite number of possibilities, then 10 years into the future holds an infinite number of possibilities multiplied infinite times over.
The future is impossible to predict with certainty simply because there are too many potential outcomes.
That's why you have feelings of uncertainty.
Whether you're unsure if this relationship with Betty is going to work out, if that company is going to give you an offer after you botched the interview, or if your investment into Dogecoin is all going to zero in the next three minutes, it's safe to say that nothing is certain.
So yes, uncertainty exists. We even have a crude mathematical proof that confirms it.
Then why do we expect uncertainty to just "go away" when we compare ourselves to others?
Let me explain with some examples.
Imagine one of your goals in life is to have a family. So you see people in your circle (friends, relatives, coworkers, etc.) who've achieved that goal and think to yourself:
"Wow, I wish I could be like so-and-so. They must have all the answers figured out when it comes to raising a family."
Or maybe you want to get in shape. So you look at the bodybuilders adorning your Instagram feed and think:
"Wow, I wish I could be like so-and-so. I bet they don't have any more doubts about their diet and exercise regime."
Or perhaps you want to build a successful business. So you look at all the entrepreneurship gurus on your LinkedIn timeline and think:
"Wow, I wish I could be like so-and-so. I'm sure they don't have any more feelings of uncertainty of where their business is headed to next."
Are you starting to understand what I'm getting at?
When we compare ourselves to others, we carry an unrealistic expectation: that at some specific point, all the uncertainty magically disappears.
What is that specific point?
Is it when you've had your third kid? Is it when you reach 10% body fat, rather than 12%? Is it when you've hit $10M in annual revenue, as opposed to $500K?
Who gets to define these checkpoints?
If you've caught my drift, then you'll realize that the answers to these questions aren't important.
Because none of these checkpoints are real.
Despite what you may think, the people further along than you haven't figured it out yet. They're still anxious. They still overthink sometimes. And they still doubt their decisions.
They still face uncertainty.
Now this isn't an easy concept to integrate into your belief system—that the people who've achieved the same goals you want still experience uncertainty.
When you look at others who are further in their journeys than you, your instinct is to automatically filter out any negatives.
After all, you want to get there at some point, right?
You want to have a family of your own. You want to be in shape. You want to build a successful business, too.
So it only makes logical sense that the version of that goal (that lives in your mind) is one that's free of consequences. No doubt. No anxiety. No uncertainty.
That's why it's much easier to unseat that belief not by looking externally, but by looking within. Rather than looking at others, look at yourself.
Think back to when you were in secondary school and finally started getting tough schoolwork that forced you to manage your time better. You probably thought something along the lines of:
"Man, this homework is tough! And I have to juggle this with sports and clubs and hanging out with friends? I bet people in university are perfect at time management."
Well, were you? Were you perfect at managing your time in university?
I'd wager that your answer is "no."
And yet, you've still come a long way. You're better at managing your time, sure. But you're by no means perfect.
For some reason, when we look at other people, we don't look at them. Not precisely.
Instead, we look at projections of them. And those projections somehow discard all the rules we know to be true. That the future holds infinite possibilities. That uncertainty will always exist.
But when we look at ourselves, there is no projection. It can't exist. Since we're inside our own heads, we can see who we are, precisely.
So look at yourself. Ask yourself:
"Did I expect myself to have it all figured out after I got to a certain point in life?"
In some capacity, we all do.
We tell ourselves that the feeling of unpredictability will eventually fade away.
That once so-and-so happens, it'll all be fine. That once XYZ happens, everything will feel great. That once you've "made it," the uncertainty will go away.
But it doesn't. It's uncertainty all the way to the top.
The good part? You're not alone.